The Illusion Of Being Chosen In Love

There is no such thing as being chosen by another.

The desire to be chosen arises from the perception of separation. It is born from the belief that there is someone outside of us who is doing the accepting or rejecting, the loving or withholding, the choosing or not choosing. When we want another person to choose us or behave in a particular way, we are unconsciously placing responsibility for our inner state onto them. We assume that our sense of worth, safety or love is caused by their actions.

This is why the impulse to change others arises. We believe that our emotional experience is determined by someone else, rather than by the meanings we project through perception. We attribute our unhappiness to another person, rather than to the identities and stories we are holding as true about ourselves. In doing so, we overlook the deeper source of our experience.

No one can truly choose us, because there is no other. There is only the One appearing as many. We are the same omnipresent, formless Divinity animating all form. If you and I both say “I AM,” we are not referring to two separate identities. We are pointing to the same I. This I is not personal, not owned, and not divided. There is no you and me, no we, only I.

To desire another to choose or love us is therefore to desire an illusion. The appearance of a separate other choosing us is a mirror of how deeply love is realised within ourselves. The same is true in reverse. The appearance of a separate other not choosing or loving us reflects the same movement. It reveals where love has not yet been recognised as our own nature.

Because we are not separate, there is no external chooser at work. Even the smaller self, the personality that is often mistaken as the whole of who you are, is not the chooser. Experience is chosen through Divinity itself, moving through form. The chooser is not the ego. The chooser is You as the Divine.

There is no need to wait to be chosen, respected, loved or seen. Wholeness is not something that arrives through another. It can be experienced now, because it is already true. Wholeness is not earned. It is intrinsic to your true nature. The Divine is already complete. The Divine is Love itself.

When awareness rests in this recognition, the need for something from others dissolves. Not because relationship disappears, but because lack does. Nothing is missing. At any moment, attention can shift and the quality of experience can change. Circumstances are not inherently unwanted. They are invitations for redirection. Each moment offers a choice in how reality is met, through love or through fear.

All experience functions as a mirror, revealing where love is still being withheld from the self. When we wait to feel loved or chosen, we are standing before the mirror and hoping the reflection will move first. When we recognise ourselves as Love, and take responsibility for how we relate to what appears, the meaning of conscious love becomes clear. Relationship then ceases to be about being chosen, and becomes an expression of love recognising itself in form.